Nuclear Family or Church Family? Yes
- Grace B-P Contributor
- 21 hours ago
- 3 min read
By Harriet Connor
Who’s Your Family?
Some people argue we should see our church as our “first family.” Jesus certainly refocused membership in God’s family: Now anyone can join the family not by bloodline, but by faith in him (John 1:12–13; Gal. 3:6–9). God’s family now grows primarily through the spread of the gospel, not the birth of children (Matt. 28:19–20). Consequently, those without spouse or children have a valued place and purpose in the family of faith (Matt. 19:1–12; 1 Cor. 7:32–35).
In cases of conflicting loyalties, Jesus did say, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple” (Luke 14:26). If we’re forced to choose, it’s better to stay alone in the family of God than to leave it for the sake of finding or pleasing an earthly family.
But Jesus and his followers also clearly valued natural families. Jesus, affirming the commandments, called people to be faithful in marriage (Matt. 19:1–9) and to honor their parents (Mark 7:9–13). The apostles said it was good for most people to marry and have children (e.g., 1 Cor. 7:8–9; 1 Tim. 5:14). They still wrote to people as wives and husbands, parents and children.
All of this has convinced me that churches and families should be collaborators, rather than competitors.
Family: A Model
Natural family relationships provide the model for relationships within the family of God. When Jesus announced that “whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother” (Matt. 12:50), he was using well-known categories of relationship. Similarly, Paul advised: “Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father” (1 Tim 5:1–2). We only know how to treat someone as if they were our brother, sister, mother, or father if we understand the dynamics of those different family relationships.
In Bible times, a family was much more than a private haven of affection: it was a productive unit spanning generations.
Accordingly, belonging to the “household of God” (1 Tim. 3:15) means more than just spending quality time together. It means people of all generations working shoulder to shoulder in the family business: sharing the love of Jesus in both word and deed.
Family: A School
Paul saw fatherhood as a good training and proving ground for church leadership: “If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?” (1 Tim. 3:5).
Our daily interactions at home force us to practice interpersonal skills like communicating clearly, listening and empathizing, setting realistic expectations, motivating others and helping them cope with disappointment, resolving conflicts, and helping people to mature. Family life equips us for serving the church.
Family: A Care Network
In addition to gathering individuals, churches bring together family groups. And, under normal circumstances, our natural family will still be our primary source of practical care.
The early church expected widows to be cared for by their own family: (1 Tim. 5:4, 8)
Even as members of the church, ties of care and responsibility still bind us. Parents bear the ultimate responsibility to care for their own children; children bear the ultimate responsibility to care for their aging parents and grandparents. Churches should honor and support these bonds.
Family: A Mission Base
Initially, most churches met in homes: families were mission bases. Entire households heard, believed, and spread the gospel together (e.g., Acts 16:30–34; Rom. 16:10–15).
The home is still where much of the church’s mission takes place. Home is where we extend hospitality; home is where we cook meals for those in need; home is where we share our faith—in word and deed—with those closest to us; home is where the next generation learns the ways of God.
Christian families should be strong at the core but flexible around the edges. Strong relationships within the family—between husband and wife, parents and children, older and younger generations—enable a family to extend their loving community to include outsiders.
Church: A New Family?
In most cases, the church won’t replace our family. Instead, we must let the gospel reorient our family relationships - and in turn, these new priorities will strengthen the church.
Article excerpt taken from The Gospel Coalition (U.S. Edition).
Read the full resource here:
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