Learning to Trust God Through Uncertainty
By Tham Hui Yi
I became a Christian at the age of 8 when my aunt invited me to the VBS (Vacation Bible School). I had lots of fun during the camp which led me to join the church later. I started attending the church service regularly, mainly because I wanted to have fun every Sunday.
However, being a Christian was different from what I expected – it wasn’t all fun and games. I was disappointed and wanted to stop going to church altogether. But what made me continue was the Bible class, as I was intrigued by the miracles of Jesus and the power that God holds. One account that really impacted me was the story of Moses, where he parted the red sea and led Israel out of Egypt. Through the years, I’ve grown to depend on God and consider myself as a Christian.
But coming from a non-Christian family, I struggled with my faith as I did not have anyone to assure me of my faith. I found myself losing touch with God during my secondary school years due to many distractions, such as making friends.
When I was in secondary 2, I faced many different kind of influences, both good and bad. I questioned God for the way I felt, and I could not understand why God made me go through all those things if He knew I would get tempted. Though I was the one who committed the sin, I put the blame on God for tempting me. And even though I was angry with God, by His grace, I continued attending church because I had gotten used to it. And the source of my temptation was gone towards the end of the year.
But just when I thought I had sorted out my confusion and strengthened my faith in God, the pandemic started. Physical church service was put on hold and we moved to online service. For me, my faith in God is mainly deepened through my interactions with different Christians in church and the discussion during Bible class.
The pandemic caused my faith to waver, and God became a small part of my life as I focused more on my studies. This lasted for a year and it got worse while I was preparing for O-Levels. Studying was my priority then, and I did not attend much Bible class as I wanted to use the time to study. I felt that God would be understanding and accepting of my actions, thus my relationship with God really changed last year.
The only time I felt connected with God was during the national exam period. I lost motivation to study, and felt suffocated as the interval between each paper was quite long. I was distracted and needed something to keep me going, it was then that I saw a Bible verse popping up through my Bible app notification. It was Psalm 91:2 which says,
“I will say to the Lord, ‘My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.’”
Upon reading it, I felt encouraged as I was reminded that God is always with me, and I can rest in Him whenever I’m tired. I am not alone, God is the one I can always trust to seek help and comfort from. As a result, I started connecting with God more often during my exam period. Another Bible verse that really calmed me down was Joshua 1:9, which says: Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” This was painted on the wall where I took my exams, and it gave me strength to overcome my anxiety.
These few years haven’t been easy but I’ve learned to trust in God and not forsake Him. Jesus is my priority, all that I have is from Him above. My experience these two years has taught me to be aware of my actions as I tend to take God’s kindness for granted. Now that the O-Levels has ended, I strive to serve God and make Him my priority. I look forward to serving God in ways such as helping in church activities or events and make myself more readily available for God.