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Different Cut
Different Glitter
Singapore is a performance-based
society and for those of us with primary-school-going children,
the Primary School Leaving Examination (PSLE) is a very major
examination for both the children and the parents. During the
PSLE period, the shopping centres are quiet and parents take leave
to supervise their children in their studies. Academic excellence
is an indicator of success but it is definitely not the only indicator.
As a parent and an educator, I was also tempted at times to put
a great emphasis on academic excellence.
7 years ago, my second daughter was sitting for her PSLE and she
broke into cold sweat while sitting for her Mathematics and Science
Papers. She suffered acute abdominal pain and was unable to concentrate
on her papers. When the PSLE results were released, I told her
not to collect her results and I will do it for her. I even made
a card with a poem to encourage her even before I collected the
results. I was disappointed that though she managed to go to the
Express course, her T-score was not as good as we have expected.
When I reached home, I asked her to go into her room and spent
a long time breaking the news to her. I was very ashamed when
she said: "Mum, why do you do all the worldly things when
you always teach us that whatever God gives us, there is a reason
and purpose." I felt ashamed of my action and speech, I did
not walk the talk.
My daughter eventually went to a neighbourhood school. Intitially
the school environment was a culture shock for her, but the humbling
experience has enabled her to slowly understand the problems faced
by her friends. She began to realize she had taken things for
granted very often. One day, her friend asked her to get a Bible
for her. Her friend could see that she had strong principles and
that her God must be real.
My daughter did fairly well for her O levels and one day she asked
me if the children of a principal have to go to Junior Colleges.
Immediately I knew she was referring to herself. She said that
if I preferred that she did her A levels, she would do so but
after the A levels she would like to pursue Visual Communications
at Temasek Polytechnic. I told her to go straight to Poly if that
was what she thought God wanted her to do. She must enjoy what
she does. In Dec. 2007, as part of her poly course, her project
group designed a few banners to encourage some unmotivated learners
and she also volunteered her time during the holidays to help
these disadvantaged students. She has been a blessing to the children
and has also shone for God in her own ways. As parents we want
to help our children discover their passion and do what they are
good at.
Parents usually have high expectations for our children and we
may even want to pursue our unfulfilled dreams through them. They
should be allowed to pursue their own dreams and we need to teach
them right from young how to ask God to reveal to them His desires
for them. If we honour God, God will honour us.
Both my eldest daughter and youngest son did sailing as their
CCA. Sailing is a good sport as it trains one to make many decisions
within a short time. Once, the weather was stormy and their optimists
started to capsize. My children said many of their friends screamed
but they quickly prayed. While this sailing incident turned my
children to God, how far do we want our children to go in the
area of sports? My husband used to tell them that it is fine to
take up competitive sports, but if competitions take place during
the weekends, especially on Sundays, we will need to rethink.
In a similar manner, there is nothing wrong in doing well in studies
but if our children's studies take them away from God, then it
is time for them to relook at their priorities.
As Christian parents, we will want to bring up our children in
the fear of the Lord. Here are some principles I go by:
- "I
love you no matter what and I will be by your side". We
want to begin with love. When we are angry with our children
for certain actions and behaviour, we are displeased with the
behaviour not the child.
- There are rules and boundaries and
we want to provide them the freedom to operate within the boundaries.
They need to learn where the line is, and they need to choose
whether to cross it or not. They can choose to accept the rule
or reject the rule. One advice is that if an action displeases
the Lord or if they are unsure, they should not do it. On the
other hand, if it pleases God then they should do it. My husband
will start the day right with the children by praying as a family
before they leave the house.
- Once they have made their decision,
they need to abide and be responsible for all the consequences
that come with it.
- Parents are children's first teachers.
It is therefore critical to have strong Christian principles
and be good role models for our children.
Chua Yen Ching (School Principal)
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